I met up with an old friend of mine this weekend for brunch. It had been ages since we caught up. Since she was a foodie, like myself, I thought that it would be keen to go to a new up and coming place in Nashville: The Henley. The setting was perfect. I felt as if I were in my great grandmother's home during the 20s, but with a modern twist. Very chic and elegant and the food portions were delectable-and also shareable. This meant (hopefully) that I wouldn't gorge myself (since the Salty Dog was going down quite nicely).
Needless to say, we caught up on work, friendships, the holidays, vacations, and then we got to the interesting subject of dating. I wouldn't say that I have been the avid dater, until about 3 years ago. Since then, you name it. I've done every online (paid & unpaid) dating scheme known to man. I've been set up on blind dates by friends. I've met men and dated them through parties (where we met through mutual friends). Short ones. Tall ones. Smart ones. Not so smart ones. Players. Losers. Creeps. Different races. I feel like I've been through them all. And yet, they're still teaching me (and the majority of the female population) still.
This brings me to my question:
Why is it that we have such a difficult time saying how we truly feel?
Good, bad, or indifferent. It doesn't matter.
Why can't we all be honest with one another and save a lot of heartache? Can't we just go back to the kindergarten rule of "do unto others as you would have done unto you"?
Maybe this is too much to ask in this narcissistic society? Have we become so self-indulged and deceived by "believing there is someone better out there" that we refuse to believe that the best could be right in front of us?
Now, my experience (ad nauseam), with all different cultures and ages of men, has varied. One common thread I see is what our society today calls "ghosting" (aka: ending a relationship by not communicating, disappearing, unresponsive, etc.). I have a word for that: cowardly.
Another common characteristic is this: "bread crumbing". To me, this is even more cruel than ghosting. In this situation, the person will "ghost" and then not fully leave. They'll text you randomly a month later acting like nothing ever happened. Or they will continually follow everything you have on social media. Therefore, as was spoken to Iris from Miles in The Holiday, "this makes it great for him, but sucks for you."
So, after a long discussion with my friend (who has also suffered from the same thing), our conclusion came to this: Verbal communication is polite and important. Chivalry is only dead if we let it die.
And where is my heart in this situation right now?
Trying to be hopeful and encourage all men (and women) out there that if you messed up, admit it. Say what you need to say. And 99% of the time, the person who was ghosted, hurt, or bread crumbed will forgive you. But own your mistake. This is confidence paired with humility.
And I believe that it is one of the sexiest things out there.
And those who have been hurt, choose to forgive (whether you take them back or not) and move forward. And remember: you always have something to learn and there's nothing that a little help from your friends and a glass of wine can't do.